CLERGY CORNER: The need to be right

Posted on 15 November 2012 by LeslieM

One can look at the Observer or any other newspaper and find some pretty amazing things to read and to talk about with others. But, each and every day, there are many things that occur to us that are newsworthy items indeed. True, some of them may be more appropriate for a small town newspaper but, they are of interest nonetheless.

I happen to be a fan of bloopers and newspaper errata … goofs, misprints and headlines with double entendres. I guess that is why I get such a huge kick out of watching Jay Leno’s “Headlines.”

I once sent a piece into him. As far as I know, it never made it on the air, but I thought that it was worthy of being there. It was an ad for a local cremation society that offered (are you ready for this?) – “A Free Six Months Trial Cremation.”

Hmmm, exactly what part were they going to cremate to see if you are happy with the process or not? I have a beautiful young woman I confide in a lot and, if she had seen that ad, it would have made her head shake. That’s what she does when she hears something that just doesn’t make much sense … and, I have to admit that things that come out of my mouth often make her head shake. Fortunately, they also make her smile and, if I am really lucky, my words make her laugh.

Anyway, let me tell you about something that had me shaking my head. It happened during a visit to a woman whose husband is suffering from severe dementia. I was asked to go to visit and see if there was anything I could do to cheer her up a bit.

During my visit, I asked her how long she and her husband had been married and, when she told me, I pulled out my driver’s license and showed her that they had been married longer than I have been on this Earth. I asked her what the secret was to staying married so long. And she told me, “Rabbi, on the night of my wedding, my mother-in-law came up to me and told me that my marriage to her son wouldn’t last three months,” and then she added, “And there was no way that I was going to give her the satisfaction of being right.”

Wow, here I was about to speak to my congregation about the evils of anger, revenge and the need to be right. And yet, this woman wound up being a great example to use. You see, after laughing for several minutes over what she told me, I asked her if she had a happy marriage and she let me know that her husband wasn’t really that nice to her and that the marriage was not a good one at all. And that is when I realized how sad her story really was.

You see, she spent more than 60 years in a lousy marriage just so her mother-in-law would not have the satisfaction of being right … OY!

If this were a tennis match, the score would not be Love/Love. Some would say that the mother-in-law won game, set and match. But this was no game, and there really were no winners here.

Sometimes, the need to be right is absolutely wrong and, now, the ball is in your court.

Shalom my friends,

Rabbi Craig H. Ezring

Rabbi Ezring is the Spiritual Leader of Temple Beth Israel of Deerfield Beach. He also serves in a professional capacity as a Chaplain with Hospice and other health organizations and facilities in the area.

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