Couples, Aging and Retirement

Posted on 18 September 2019 by LeslieM

Aging can be a very difficult topic for couples to discuss. The first aging sign most couples realize is a reduction in their energy levels.

A couple I currently see in therapy, both age 65, spoke to me about them physically slowing down and their lack of energy throughout the day. The husband said it was a sign of aging and not a very good one. The wife said they were simply learning to finally pace themselves.

I told this couple that everyone feels tired at times. In fact, according to a recent study by the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society, nearly a third of those aged 51 and up experience fatigue.

Four areas of fatigue to explore:

Medical

Illnesses such as rheumatoid arthritis, heart disease and Cancer cause fatigue. Medications such as antidepressants and treatments such as chemotherapy and radiation can also cause significant fatigue.

Sleeping

Apnea causes sleeping problems, and an overactive bladder and enlarged prostate can cause people waking up multiple times at night to use the bathroom which disrupts sleep.

Mental Health

Anxiety and depression can cause fatigue. I recommend an individual seek therapy for relief. To search for a psychotherapist that fits your needs go to the website: psychologytoday.com/us/therapists or find a therapist at association sites as the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy: aamft.org

Lifestyle

Energy can be drained by what you eat and drink. The energy zappers include fried foods, sugar-laden snacks, caffeine, soda and alcohol.

Addressing retirement

It is not uncommon for a 50-something aged couple to sit down with their accountant or financial planner to discuss retirement only to discover that each has their own vision. When it comes to talking about retirement, couples can be plagued by the same obstacles that keep many people from talking about finances throughout their married life. Couples either do not get around to it, or it is a subject that is too difficult to address.

One couple I worked with in therapy had different ideas about where they would live once they retired from their corporate jobs. One partner wanted to move to Arizona while the other wanted to stay in Boca Raton in order to be close to their children and grandchildren. Within a few therapy sessions a compromise was met. The couple agreed to continue to be home based in Florida, but also own a reasonably priced condominium in Flagstaff, AZ to enjoy as they choose with their family members throughout the year.

I recommend that couples do not focus on the concerns of aging alone. Researchers are finding that if we think about getting older and retiring primarily in terms of decline or disability, our health will likely suffer. If we tend to view aging in terms of opportunity and growth, our bodies and minds will respond kindly. I highly recommend that couples practice forgiveness along with having a sense of humor at times about getting older. Change is always possible!

Dr. Julia Breur is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private clinical psychotherapy practice in Boca Raton. For more information, call 561-512-8545, visit www.drjuliabreur.com or e-mail info@drjuliabreur.com

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