I officiated at a funeral the other day. This family had tsouris (problems). But, they knew the import of family, of loving and of caring. The widower had been married for 64 years and he arrived at the chapel an hour before the funeral service of his beloved wife.

He hurt, he hurt a lot, and, yet, he concentrated on the positives in his life. He spoke about how wonderful his sons were and I let him know that he and his wife must have done something right to have raised such caring children. Then, he talked about how loving his grandchildren were. And they were indeed a pillar of strength and a blanket of warmth for the elder members of the family.

But, it was when I saw the first friend come in to the family room to extend condolences that I realized what a fine example he was to his children and his grandchildren because, as the woman approached with a look that seemed to say, “I wish I knew the right words to say,” the widower took her hand in both of his and said, “I know your husband has not been well, how are you holding up?”

In the midst of his pain, he could still recognize pain on another’s face. He still knew that others had troubles in their lives and, even in the midst of his own pain, he wanted to let them know that he, just like them, wanted to be a source of comfort and strength.

As he inquired as to the woman’s well-being and that of her husband, tears began to fall down the woman’s cheeks. She was awed as this widower, whom she had come to comfort, came out of his own anguish and became the comforter … and I believe that that moment of sensitivity and awareness, that moment of being there for someone else, reminded him of the strength he had within. It was then and there that he knew he would find a way to go on.

It was shortly afterward that one of his grandchildren began to weep and he held her close to him. I believe that at that moment, somewhere deep inside, this sweet man knew that he was still the patriarch of the family, that he was still a source of strength and comfort for his children, and his grandchildren.  And, now he had a reason for sticking around because anytime he was with his family, a part of her would be there as well. This reminded me that the day before the service, when I met with the family, no one could talk about one of them without the other, for they truly were, and to the family will continue to be, one heart and one soul.

We all have awe-inspiring moments – it might be a half hour, 15 minutes or just a minute or two at a time. So, let’s not waste a moment. Let’s make every minute count.

Shalom My Friends,

Rabbi Craig H. Ezring

Rabbi Ezring is a Hospice Chaplain and Member of the National Association of Jewish Chaplains. He also provides Professional Pastoral Care Services to a number of health centers in Broward County.