In part one, I shared why the days of just “playing games with the youth” have ended. If you missed the article or need a refresher, I recommend reviewing it online at www.observernewspaperonline.com. In this second part, I’ll address how parents and guardians, the primary disciple-makers in leading their children to become fully devoted followers of Christ, can effectively partner with youth pastors through the art of quitting.

Jack Klumpenhower, author of Show Them Jesus: Teaching the Gospel to Kids, writes, “We’ve been dispensing good advice instead of the Good News,” which is to say the cultural narrative over the Biblical narrative: be happy, healthy and moral, be a good person.

“Live a good life and things will go well for you. Find the right spiritual resources and you’ll be blessed. Ask Jesus into your heart and you’ll be saved,” says Klumpenhower, who added that, however, “whatever they learned about Jesus did really change them. They never saw Him so strikingly that He became their one, overriding hope and greatest love, never convinced that Jesus is better — a zillion times better, than anything else.”

And so, Klumpenhower explains that “a frightening number of kids are growing up in churches and Christian homes without ever being captured by the Gospel of Jesus.” 

As a youth pastor, not a pastor in training, but a real pastor with a specific calling to develop the spiritual lives of students, I ask parents and guardians to quit doing the following:

• Quit introducing false idols. I knew of a student that was being faithfully mentored and on track to be a leader within his youth ministry. However, for his 16th birthday he was gifted an expensive and trendy vehicle that quickly became the source of his identity. It became his idol. He eventually left the church for worldly pursuits. Parents and guardians, this isn’t to say you can’t provide for your child, but a reminder that anything elevated above God — even family — is an idol. I know you may feel ignored at times, but your children are adopting the things you value. It’s why, for example, skipping church consistently for youth sports is a big deal: everything speaks. Your child needs some iron-sharpening-iron friends and those relationships won’t develop when there are seasons of church hiatuses for an idol.

• Quit playing God. While I recognize the paternal instinct to guide and protect one’s child, many parents and guardians are doing so to the detriment of their child: meeting their child’s every need and every want. There is a beautiful thing that happens when we realize that we are wholly dependent on God and that He alone is the one who will ultimately fulfill our needs — and then does! However, many parents are unwittingly removing their child’s need for a savior as they dawn their cape and rush in for the save. Next time your child has, let’s say a problem at school, instead of trying to solve the problem on your own, go to Scripture and prayer and allow God to drive the conversation.

• Quit outsourcing discipleship. If I can be blatantly honest, the reason many homes introduce false idols and the parents or guardians assume the role of God is because they themselves are not a fully-devoted follower of Christ. And whether the parent or guardian recognizes it or not, they are making a disciple, another “mushy-middle,” lukewarm Christian seeking the cultural narrative of be moral over the Biblical narrative of be Christ’s. You can’t pass along to your child what you don’t have yourself and, with the ever increasing rise of secularism, a child seeking God (only when it’s convenient) will never be captured by the Gospel of Jesus.

Again, Dr. Jean M. Twenge believes we are “on the brink of the worst mental health crisis in decades,” and students are leaving the church in droves. To learn how to quit the aforementioned, feel free to contact me directly, because we, youth pastors, desperately seek to partner with you, the parent or guardian, in helping your child become a fully-devoted follower of Christ, and it’s an urgent plea.

C.J. Wetzler is the NextGen pastor at The Church at Deerfield Beach. Before transitioning into full-time ministry, CJ was a commercial airline captain and high school leadership and science teacher. For questions or comments he can be reached at cj@dfb.church.

Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

As a clergyman, I discovered the “ambidextrous” nature of my profession. On one hand, I am a theologian, which is to say, I am an academician. When I fulfill this role, it is safe. I am in the cerebral realm and can distance myself, emotionally, from the subject at hand.

On the other hand, I am a pastor. As a pastor I make the abstract personal and find myself in the realm of the heart. This is the more vulnerable of the two realms because emotions are involved and I find I simply cannot distance myself from the subject at hand.

Usually, when I write these articles, I write from the safer of the two realms. I try to keep my writing professional as opposed to personal. And this is the safer of the two options, particularly when our readership is ecumenical.

Well, today, I simply cannot distance myself from my writing. As I write my article, I anticipate the end of this week when I bring my youngest child to college. I anticipate empty nest syndrome and I find myself, this week, caught up in the emotion. I realize I am not alone. And it is this realization that inspired me to write my article to all the moms and dads out there who are facing major life transitions this week. Whether you are sending your child to kindergarten, middle school, high school or college, the transition can be a challenge. And if you find yourself in this category, this one is for you.

There are things we say when we face life transitions. One of the most honest statements I have heard people mention is “I am happy for you but sad for me.” When your best friend moves to a new place because he or she got a promotion you might say this. When you speak at a loved one’s funeral, as a person of faith, acknowledging a better hereafter for our loved one but a difficult here and now for you, you might say this. And, when the father links arms with his daughter and walks down the aisle, he has a smile from ear to ear but tears are streaming from both eyes. As he faces the realization that his little girl is getting married, his expression says it all: “I am happy for you but sad for me.”

As a parent, we prepare our children for the day when they will leave home. We want our kids to succeed, to become independent, become everything God created them to be. As we nudge them out of the nest, we want them to spread their wings and fly. Until that day comes, we hang on to each moment and hold them as tight as we can never wanting to let go. And, yet, we must. When that day comes, we remind ourselves that it was for this moment that we worked so hard. Yet, selfishly perhaps, we hope that moment never comes. Rest assured, that moment will come. And when it does, we say: “I am happy for you but sad for me.”

It was difficult when my daughter Rachel went off to college. Fortunately, her little brother was home. It broke my heart the first time, but the realization that Nate was still home made it somewhat bearable. Now, that is no longer true. You think you can prepare yourself for these things emotionally, but I should know by now that emotions don’t work that way. I can say, with all sincerity, that I am happy for him but sad for me. My wife and I need to remind ourselves that this was the moment we worked for. He is ready and I know that his future is bright. But it doesn’t change the fact that I will miss him terribly.

Moms and dads, people of faith, whatever your faith may be, you are not alone. Being a dad has taught me many valuable lessons that have shaped my ministry. I have walked with many people through life transitions. I have experienced the emotions of hundreds of people, albeit from somewhat of a professional distance. Now, I find myself walking down the path many have walked before me. I cannot say: “I know how you are feeling.” But I can say: “I have a pretty good idea …” Feel free to call your clergy person and share what is on your heart and pray with him or her. You may be surprised to discover that your spiritual leader, too, may have taken your path and have a pretty good idea of how you are feeling.

But know this, you are in my prayers. And may God bless you and your children during this time of transition. You may be sad for yourself, but be happy for your child.

Pastor Gross is a pastor of Zion Lutheran Church, located at 959 SE 6 Ave., Deerfield Beach, FL 33441. For more information, call 954-421-3146 or visit www.zion-lutheran.org.

It’s by no accident you’re reading this article. I pray that what I’m about to reveal to you expands your awareness of what’s happening in the youth culture, and also provides practical ways for you to cultivate a healthier relationship with your youth pastor. What follows is the secret confession of a youth pastor.

To start, know that accessibility to technology and the prevalence of information — real or fake — has significantly altered this thing we call student ministry. 

Young teens are sexting or filming themselves performing sexual acts, which they post to social media. They take polls asking their followers to vote on what “stupid s***,” they should do on Snapchat, like destroying property or pretending to have a mental illness. They play beer pong — at least the 12-year-olds substitute alcohol for Monster energy drinks, and, of course, they light things on fire. 

The older students self-inflate their status, hoping to feel more important as they strive to live up to society’s unrealistic athletic or academic expectations. 

In short, it’s the f-word, rebellion, confusion and rejection manifesting itself in the form of social media attention-grabbing. They are painfully attention-starved and insecure, and their new drug is follower engagement, “likes” and such.

It’s a new frontier. The days of “playing games with the youth” have ended. As a matter of fact, if I’m being honest, some days I’m with students from morning until evening, living in their new world, trying to help them navigate their wounds and baggage. It’s those days you might find me lying on the floor of my office, gathering the energy needed to drive home.

But that’s okay. Because it’s there, on the carpet where Domino’s icing dipping sauce has been thoroughly trampled into, that I’m reminded to be wholly dependent on God myself and that I’m not alone; I’m co-laboring with others to show these students Jesus. 

I say “co-labor,” because student ministry is a partnership. While the position of youth pastor may have once been to “babysit” the youth while the adults do the “real” ministry, I can assure you, student ministry is real ministry and needs to be connected to the adult congregation.

Studies show that students who experience intergenerational worship are significantly less likely to “graduate” from their faith and walk away from God after high school, as they feel connected to a local church body that continues to love and support them even while away from home.

The reality is that this is a generation crying out for help, but has no idea how to receive and accept the help when it arrives: imagine a drowning victim trying to swim away from the responding lifeguard. 

Paul writes in his letter to the Romans to not “copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think” (Romans 12:2). And that’s where the battleground exists for our youth: their minds. Author Dr. Jean M. Twenge, in her book iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy—and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood—and What That Means for the Rest of Us, asserts that this rising generation is “on the brink of the worst mental health crisis in decades.” 

God has placed us in their lives to love and “direct [our] children onto the right path, [so that] when they are older, they will not leave it” (Proverbs 22:6).

Next month, I will share practical ways you can co-labor alongside your youth pastor to help the students run their race well — to run the narrow path and not leave it. In the meantime, this is the back-to-school season. Make a commitment, as a family, that no matter the academic, athletic or arts schedule, that you will not forsake time with “[those who are] continually devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer” (Acts 2:42).

The youth pastor is not your child’s primary disciple-maker. You are.

C.J. Wetzler is the NextGen pastor at The Church at Deerfield Beach. Before transitioning into full-time ministry, CJ was a commercial airline captain and high school leadership and science teacher. For questions or comments he can be reached at cj@dfb.church.

“When God saw what they (Ninevah) did, how they turned from their evil ways, God changed his mind about the calamity that he had said he would bring upon them; and he did not do it.”

(Jonah 3:10 NRSV)

Full disclosure, I like comic books. I like comic book heroes. And one of the things I enjoy doing with my family is going to see superhero movies. This summer has produced some pretty great movies and, as a religious leader, I see all kinds of great material that I can use on a Sunday morning.

The Bible is filled with great stories that have inspired great comic book writers. These are stories about heroes and villains, and heroic rescues filled with action and suspense. If you like reading the Bible, you probably enjoy a good comic book now and then.

I have noticed something about comic books and superheroes, as well as villains. While, on occasion, we may stumble across a super hero lacking virtue of a misunderstood villain some gray area may be interjected for plausibility now and then. But, by and large, superheroes are good and villains are bad. But when the superhero captures a villain, a part of us rejoices. Good has defeated evil.

And the victims who find themselves in trouble — the damsels in distress, the kitty who is caught up in the tree, the child hanging on to a cliff — we love to see the hero swoop down from the sky and rescue them. The damsels are always beautiful, the kitties are always cuddly and the child is always cute.

But what if the enemy is the one who needs to be rescued? What if Lex Luthor was dangling from a cliff? Would Superman swoop down and rescue him? What if the Joker or Penguin were trapped by a bear, would Batman come by and rescue his arch enemies? There is a part of us that would say “good riddance.” But that is not how God operates.

I love the story of Jonah, the reluctant hero. He was called by God to rescue the people of Nineveh. Nineveh was the major trade city of the Assyrians, the enemies of the people of Israel. Jonah doesn’t want to do it. He would rather be swallowed by a giant fish than tell the people of Nineveh to repent.

Yet, he was ordered by God to be prophetic and tell the people in this pagan city to repent. After he delivered the message, he waited on the outskirts for calamity. He was even looking forward to their demise. But, something happened that really disappointed Jonah, they repented and God changed his mind.

It was clear that Jonah saw Nineveh as evil, the enemy, people he hated. God loved the people of Nineveh.

The story goes against our comic book sensibilities. But, the words of St. Paul echo the sentiment of Jonah.

“Indeed, rarely will anyone die for a righteous person — though perhaps for a good person someone might actually dare to die.”

(Romans 5:7)

Did God send his son when we deserved it? No, “While we were still sinners.” (Romans 5:8)

Perhaps it is time to write the comic book that has yet to be written. Heroes rescue villains. [Editor’s Note: Dear Pastor Gross … watch the new Spiderman movie]. Unworthy people are saved. Rescued people aren’t always grateful. But wait; that book exists.

We do find ourselves guilty, now and then, thinking that we have earned the right to be rescued. Like Jonah, we cheer for the demise of our enemies and flatter ourselves into believing we are better, or loved more by God, or worthy of God’s love. The message of the Bible is distinctly different than the message of the comic book hero. In comic books, the villains have no humanity and the ones who are rescued have earned the right to be rescued by being innocent, adorable or nice.

The one dimensional lines of a comic book meet the multi-dimensional reality of the world where villains are created in the image of God and damsels in distress are sinful and unclean. Superman will rescue some, but God sends the ultimate hero to rescue all.

Pastor Gross is a pastor of Zion Lutheran Church, located at 959 SE 6 Ave., Deerfield Beach, FL 33441. For more information, call 954-421-3146 or visit www.zion-lutheran.org.

One particular scene in the movie Deepwater Horizon is oddly convicting. Jimmy Harrell, while in command of the oil rig, voices his dissatisfaction to BP executives for skipping the necessary tests required to verify the integrity of the well—accusing them of playing dumb toward any problems that might further delay completion of the drilling. Jimmy aptly compares their motive to his grandfather’s logic about not going to the dentist in that he “never went to the dentist ‘cause he didn’t wanna know all that was wrong ‘cause then he’d have to deal with it.”

Up until last week, for 14 plus years, I confess that I evaded the dentist myself to deny what I knew I’d have to deal with: cavities. So I bit the bullet — with my good teeth — and scheduled an appointment.

I had two cavities in need of immediate care: one onlay and one crown. Post drilling and being fitted with my temporary cap, the dental hygienist listed all the foods I would have to abstain from until my permanent fitting — essentially my grocery list: pizza and chewy candy. One day later, the temporary cap fell victim to a Mike and Ike while watching Despicable Me 3. Whoops.

Thankfully, my dentist provided me with his personal cell and instructed me to call him if I experienced any problems —probably more for pain than stupidity. After an exhaustive Google search, it was apparent that I’d have to contact him. Flashbacks flooded my mind of my pediatric orthodontist towering over me with that disappointed look on his face each time I lost or destroyed a retainer. How would my new dentist respond?

While my thumbs were busy crafting a text message, I couldn’t help but feel burdensome for disturbing my new dentist on a Saturday. I hit send and awaited my fate. Moments later, I received a reply that started with “Hi buddy,” followed by a compassionate response. He even encouraged me to “reach out again if anything else comes up.” Whoa. And just like that all my false beliefs from childhood about going to the dentist vanished.

For many, the idea returning to church or going to church for the first time yields the similar emotions that I experienced about returning to the dentist: the fear of being judged; the pain that comes with change, etc. Yet, like my retainers, at some point we all find ourselves lost or broken knowing that we can no longer deny what’s wrong: the God-sized cavity in our heart, hoping we won’t have to deal with it.

We must recognize that it is Satan, the great deceiver, who is content to keep us deceived that we are not welcome in church or in the presence of God. He breathes life to those fears. Fear not! It is Jesus who said that “God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him” (John 3:17).

That’s the ultimate “Hi buddy” (relief) and embodiment of the compassion that should dispel the false narratives keeping us away from church and God. The ironic thing is that we take pride in our Instagram pics that don’t require a filter, while unaware that we’re filtering what we believe about church and God through our past experiences. To quote an old MADtv skit with Bob Newhart, “Stop it!” Colossians 3:1 reminds us that when we submit our hearts to Christ, we “have been raised to new life with Christ”— a life with the strength necessary to deal with — not avoid — the realities of life, and stand securely before God.

When I finally faced my reality, accepting that decay did exist, I knew there was nothing I could do except go to the one who could do something about it. Same goes for those of you considering returning to church or attending church for the first time. You don’t have to clean yourself up before returning or going. You just have to set aside any worry and go — like I did by going to the dentist; I had nothing — except my teeth.

C.J. Wetzler is the NextGen pastor at The Church at Deerfield Beach. Before transitioning into full-time ministry, CJ was a commercial airline captain and high school leadership and science teacher. For questions or comments he can be reached at cj@dfb.church.

“In the last days it will be, God declares, that I will pour out my Spirit upon all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams.” — (Acts 2:17 and Joel 2:28 NRSV)

On Pentecost Sunday, we read Acts 2, as we always do, and heard Peter quote Joel 2:28 in his message to the pilgrims at Jerusalem. Among the many things I loved about his words, or Joel’s words, or God’s word, to be more exact, was the intergenerational vision of the church. Recognizing the gifts of the elderly and the young, the Holy Spirit definitely saw generations as interdependent. And, I have to say, there is a growing recognition within my denomination, the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, that cross-generational ministry is God’s vision for the church.

That being said, this wasn’t the way it has always been. I may have exacerbated that problem by some of the actions I took, not by accident, but very much on purpose. I separated the worship service into two. One service I called “traditional” and the other service I called “contemporary.” One service was a little more liturgical with the organ being the primary instrument. The second service was a little less liturgical and included guitars, drums, keyboards and singers. Naturally, I envisioned the older members would attend the “traditional” and the younger members would attend the “contemporary.” Every once in awhile, we would create cross-generational events, such as picnics, potlucks and, of course, the annual meeting.

At first, everybody fell in line with their age appropriate service. Peaceful coexistence and cooperation was maintained. But, as time went on, surprises started to occur.

The first surprise came with two elderly members who stopped attending the “traditional” worship service because they were, in their words, tired of the hymns. They liked guitars and drums, and they appreciated being surrounded by younger members.

At first, I thought that this was not going to end well. How would the young members receive them? Some chose the contemporary service specifically because of the younger population and now my service was beginning to “gray.” Well, as surprises go, the young people loved this couple. In fact, when the husband died, my 18-year-old daughter was beside herself in grief. His funeral was well-attended by the members of the youth group and the Praise Band played the music. His wife was delighted.

The second surprise came with a young family that attended the “traditional” service. The three young kids were all elementary age and the husband and wife were actually quite a bit younger than me. After the service was over, I took them aside and assured them that we had younger members and they attended the “contemporary” service. Looking back at this, I am ashamed to admit it. But the wife smiled and said, “Thanks, we prefer this service.”

Later, when the family attended the new member class, the wife shared what she appreciated about the church. She said, “With my parents in Illinois and my husband’s parents in Washington, we knew our kids would miss out not having their grandparents around. But the people we worship with are like grandparents to my children and we love it.”

As time went by, the contemporary service started to age and the traditional service started to get younger. The ages became less relevant and the services really distinguished themselves by style alone, as opposed to age preference.

One of the many things I love about Zion is that the young and older members truly do love each other. I may explore different styles of worship, but not to separate the ages. And I am exploring a Sunday School curriculum that is cross-generational in nature.

The Holy Spirit surprised the disciples, who spoke in different languages to the pilgrims who travelled to Jerusalem on Pentecost. The way the Holy Spirit chose to speak was in a manner that honored the diversity of cultures. Each heard the message in the language they spoke. And what was the message they heard? It was a cross-generational message honoring the elderly and the young.

May we be surprised by the Spirit and may those walls that separate the ages come tumbling down.

Pastor Gross is a pastor of Zion Lutheran Church, located at 959 SE 6 Ave., Deerfield Beach, FL 33441. For more information, call 954-421-3146 or visit www.zion-lutheran.org.

A study was conducted to measure the resiliency of young students. Researchers were curious to learn how a child would respond to increasingly difficult tasks based upon whether the child’s behavior or innate ability is praised.

Children who were praised for their innate ability, such as affirming that they did well because they are smart, bore unexpected results: This common method of encouragement actually caused many children to shy away from more difficult tasks. Since the value was placed on “being smart,” they skipped on more challenging tasks because they didn’t know if they were capable; so why risk it by trying something and possibly failing and losing the status of being “smart.”

Conversely, children who had their behavior praised yielded opposite results. Many in this participating group welcomed the next challenge. They had nothing to prove, or more accurately, to lose. If they failed, it wasn’t attached to their personhood — their capability. Instead of believing they weren’t smart enough, they believed with more effort they could be successful.

Here’s the thing: God says to commit our plans to Him, so bending to His will not (try) to force God to bend to ours. And we’re also challenged to live a life worthy of our calling. Both these things present us with real challenges and dangers. Yet, this group of graduates has grown up in a world where everyone from first place to last receives a trophy; expectations such as driving or having a summer job have diminished and failure is the worst possible thing, ever! In essence, we constantly affirm, “You are special and you deserve to be treated like royalty.”

Yet, at the same time, we struggle to grasp why a staggering percentage of graduates leave the church … why so few commit to their decision to follow Jesus that they made at age 7.

The root of the issue is identity. The call to follow Jesus is the exact opposite of what they’ve been taught to believe about themselves. We’ve missed the opportunity to pour into them that they have a God that created them, cares for them, adopted them and will never leave them. This message has been replaced with participation ribbons.

But, it’s not too late. God is a patient and loving God who desires all to come to Him. We need not to lose hope, but cling to it.

Here are three things your graduate can do to live the life worthy of their calling.

1. Allow your graduate to experience failure. They have been protected from the discomfort of failure and now are woefully unprepared not only for the real world, but God’s call. This summer is the perfect time for graduates to experience failure and recognize it’s not that bad. Learning how to fail is essential to trying what’s destined to fail without divine intervention, but they’ll never know all that God has for them if they are too scared to try.

2. Help your graduate commit their plans to the Lord. Set aside some intentional time with your graduate to study the Word. Stop asking them what they want to be or where they want to go to college. Challenge them to discover how God has specifically gifted them, in this given context, to live wholly for God and then seek His guidance for the best course to fulfill that role.

3. Remind your graduates of their identity in Christ. Teachers, coaches, mentors, etc., are important figures in your graduates’ life; but, if you value worldly identities: status, power, image and wealth identity, the efforts of the others’ voices will quickly be drowned out. Whether wealthy or not, or somewhere in the middle, don’t miss the opportunity to teach on identity and stewardship.

Join me in praying for your graduates, that they shake off any identities keeping them from following God’s risky and challenging plan for their life; that they allow the Spirit to remind them; that they are fearfully and wonderfully made, a child of His, able to do all things through Christ who straightens them.

C.J. Wetzler is the NextGen pastor at The Church at Deerfield Beach. Before transitioning into full-time ministry, CJ was a commercial airline captain and high school leadership and science teacher. For questions or comments he can be reached at cj@dfb.church.

‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself’

(Leviticus 19:18 and Mark 12:31 NRSV)

“In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets.” (Matthew 7:12)

Is civility enough? I ask this provocative question in light of a society where civility is lacking and, that being said, it is still not enough, not if we want to change the world for the better.

I was in conversation with a Rabbi in the community where I previously served. We talked about a Coexistence Festival in Sarasota and the topic of tolerance came up. We agreed that interfaith dialogue was an important step in the right direction because we are neighbors coexisting in the same community. Finding common ground in faith is a great way for religious leaders to lead the charge, ecumenically. By the way, “ecumenical” means “community minded.”

Yet, the Rabbi in his wisdom questioned the word “tolerance.” And he asked me a question, which I found to be enlightening: “How would you like it if you heard me say ‘Jeff, I tolerate you?’ Would you feel good inside?” He made a good point. Civility is not enough.

Yet, civility is still lacking. Drive in any grocery parking lot on Saturday. Hesitate one tenth of a second at a green light. Go shopping at the mall in December. Stand in front of somebody in a parade. We have a hard time coexisting in public and we haven’t even got to religion or politics. We literally haven’t even left the parking lot.

While we struggle for civility, a golden rule is shared, shared by many faiths. In our faith it is found in Matthew 7: 12 “In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets.” (NRSV) Treat people the way you want to be treated. This is a good start, but it only takes us to civility. In fact this golden rule is bronze, at best. It isn’t enough. We have gotten to tolerance but we haven’t gotten to love.

Engaged in dialogue, Jesus was asked about the greatest commandment. Aside from the first, to love God, he mentioned the second and he replied: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Leviticus 19:18 and Mark 12:31 NRSV). Now we are getting somewhere. Now we are starting to move the dial of progress in society. Now THIS rule IS golden.

But who is our neighbor? This was another question that was asked of Jesus. I think the person who asked him wanted to hear the answer: “the people I like.” Liking the likeable, loving the loveable, what is remarkable about that? Then Jesus responded to his question not with a short answer but a parable, the parable of the Good Samaritan. This parable was all about liking the unlikeable and loving the unlovable, and finding value in a person from a culture and religion that was despised. Jesus’ answer was anything but comfortable. “Love my neighbor? I don’t even LIKE him.”

Upon further self examination as well as life experience, I have come to a thought. We don’t have to tackle civility before we address the need to love. In fact, if we aspire to love one another as we love ourselves, civility will fall into place.

Tolerance and coexistence are fine, but they are, at best, mediocre aspirations. I don’t want to merely coexist with my neighbor in mutual tolerance. I want to love my neighbor. Love is what moves the dial in the right direction.

Now that we have left the parking lot, we can move into the direction of a mutual existence that is grounded in love. In love, we can dialogue and build ecumenical bridges with people of different faiths. In love, we can engage in political conversations with friends with whom we disagree. In love, we can think twice before we honk at the person who pulls out of his or her parking spot without looking, or cuts us off, or hesitates for more than a second at a green light. ^“Let all that you do be done in love.” (I Corinthians 16:14)

Pastor Gross is a pastor of Zion Lutheran Church, located at 959 SE 6 Ave., Deerfield Beach, FL 33441. For more information, call 954-421-3146 or visit www.zion-lutheran.org.

When I was a first officer, one of my responsibilities included the preflight inspection. This proverbial “kicking the tires” began with checking pressure gauges and the plane’s structural integrity, and usually ended with me searching for a ramp agent for the code to get back into the jet-bridge.

On one particular flight from Greensboro, North Carolina to Memphis, Tennessee, I made a small mistake. While opening the panel that revealed the gauge for the crew oxygen level, I noticed the power wasn’t established to the aircraft yet, which was needed for the check. I decided I would continue the rest of the preflight and then circle back to this particular panel, which I left open.

By the time I had scuttled around the entire plane — having crawled under the wheel wells to check the fire detection loops and poked my head in the aft avionics bay, etc. — my brain had jettisoned the whole open panel thing.

As we departed toward Memphis, immediately after we raised the gear, a loud whooshing sound filled the flight deck. Having completely forgotten about the panel being open, we both assumed there might be a structural issue with the plane and prepped for a return to Greensboro.

Since we had yet to burn off the enroute fuel, we would have to do what’s called an “overweight landing.” It’s nothing unsafe; but, prior to a subsequent departure, a mechanic must review the aircraft to ensure no damage was incurred due to landing heavier than designed.

We landed and radioed for a contract mechanic, which meant a serious delay. The captain was cool with my mistake and we chilled on the ramp, knowing it’d be best to steer clear of the angry people inside. While we waited, the local firemen stopped by with their new shiny truck and offered to give us a ride and demonstration of its capabilities — though I wasn’t sure they could provide the fire protection I needed.

I was raised to take responsibility for my actions so, upon our return to Memphis, I headed for my boss’ office for the “carpet dance.” I confessed my error, which undoubtedly caused havoc for most of the passengers and cost the company thousands of dollars — probably more than my first officer’s yearly salary at the time.

Though this incident occurred in my early 20s, I still remember how gracious my chief pilot was as he asked whether I had learned something from the experience. I had. From that day forward, no matter what … never leave a panel open.

My point? Imagine that you lent $20 to one friend and $2,000 dollars to another. After an unexpected bonus from your employer, with this new income you decide to forgive both debts. Which of your two friends will have a greater thankfulness and joy? As we know in similar stories recorded in scripture, the one who had the greater debt forgiven.

Speaking from experience, I’ve had to ask others for forgiveness many times; but, it’s the moments similar to those above that move me the most. The greater the debt the greater is the thankfulness.

So I have to ask, why aren’t we living everyday in the awareness of what God has done for us —the sin He’s blotted out for our sake through His sacrifice on the cross? Why do we neglect to meditate upon the depth of this grace in a way that moves us to respond in some capacity?

My concern is that too many of us are living a lukewarm and complacent faith, unaware how big our mistakes are and how awesome (how deep!) His grace is. Litmus test: If you’re not talking about Jesus (and what He’s done personally for you) I’m not sure you fully comprehend His grace and forgiveness.

If this is you, perfect! Put down the paper and get alone with God in His Word and remind your soul that “Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and He is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for u,” and that “victory is ours through Christ, who loved us” — Romans 8:34; 37.

C.J. Wetzler is the NextGen pastor at First Baptist Church of Deerfield Beach. Before transitioning into full-time ministry, CJ was a commercial airline captain and high school leadership and science teacher. For questions or comments he can be reached at cj@deerfieldfirst.com.

In his book Habitudes for Communicators: Images That Form Leadership Habits and Attitudes, author Dr. Tim Elmore cites three reasons people change: They know enough that they’re able to; care enough that they want to; hurt enough that they have to. Unfortunately, the latter of the three inspired my change while attending junior high.

For no other reason than I was simply being cruel for cheap laughs, I continually taunted a fellow swimmer who I’ll refer to as Heather. One evening as Heather exited the pool (and I’m still mortified by my words), I looked right at her, crinkled my nose while making a sniffing sound, and asked, “What’s that smell? Smells like a wet dog.”

Simultaneously, there was both hurt and anger in her eyes. She clinched her fist and barreled toward me. I froze. I was both a jerk and a moron, for I had poked the proverbial hornets’ nest by picking on someone who chose to workout in the mornings and swim for two hours every day after school. With full vigor she wielded her fists — still tightly clinched — like a wrecking ball against my body. Probably due to blunt-force-trauma, I can’t remember exactly what she said, but I do remember the moment her strength weakened from the anger-induced adrenaline.

Heather’s arms fell to her side, now almost too exhausted to wipe away the tears as she slunk away, leaving me standing alone wrestling with my thoughts; I was bruised internally as much as externally. And because I literally hurt, I wanted to change, so I immediately prayed, “Lord, I don’t want to be funny if it means hurting others.”

Last week, I wrote about God’s command to go and make disciples (Matthew 28:19). This week, it seems fitting to clarify what it means to be a disciple.

Jim Putman, in his book Real-Life Discipleship: Building Churches That Make Disciples, defines a disciple as someone who is following Christ and being changed by Him, saying,“[We] must recognize and accept who Jesus is, and we must place ourselves under His authority,”caring about what He cares about … people, like Heather. As Matt Walsh expresses, we cannot claim to have faith in a Lord if we aren’t willing to follow Him in a way that changes us. “You are my friends if you do what I command.” (John 15:14).

Having the knowledge that I hurt Heather was only a fragment of the solution. It wasn’t enough to tell her that I would change, rather restoration of the relationship required actual changed behavior — as in discipleship — by allowing “God [to] transform [me] into a new person by changing the way [I] think [and behave]…” (Romans 12:2). See Matthew 7:17-20 where Jesus taught that we would know a tree by its fruit.

How do we either know enough, care enough or hurt enough to change? Three components must be present in our life. First, we must recognize our brokenness — enough to want to change. Though Western culture tends to idolize self-sufficiency, it’s only in our brokenness that our need for a savior becomes visible and we see the depth of His grace that draws us to Him. Secondly, we must be available. If we are too busy — even with good things like family and work — this hurried life will prevent us from being rooted in a foundational understanding of God’s nature and character, diluting the recognition that He is worthy to be our King. Third, we must be teachable. We must be willing to fight for a faith that is deep like river versus shallow like a flood. Think Acts 2:42-47: devoted.

As I mentioned last week, start small like I did with a simple, yet powerful prayer that forever changed the trajectory of my life. You can borrow this one from my playbook: “Lord, help me want to love You, to know You, and to serve You.” A caveat: Get ready because if you’re truly accepting and repentant, the Spirit will begin to fill you with the knowledge of the Father and change you into a fully devoted follower of Christ — a disciple.

C.J. Wetzler is the NextGen pastor at First Baptist Church of Deerfield Beach. Before transitioning into full-time ministry, CJ was a commercial airline captain and high school leadership and science teacher. For questions or comments he can be reached at cj@deerfieldfirst.com.