In therapy, a female patient of mine has been discussing the depression she has been experiencing since her mother’s death. Her mother was diagnosed with stomach cancer and died within a short three month period. We have been able to reflect on her mother’s life and the close relationship they shared. This week, the same patient told me her depression reached new heights. She finds herself thinking obsessively about how lonely she will be this holiday season without her mother. She has been crying excessively and even called in sick to her employer.

The holiday season is a time of celebration, joy, reflection, hope and love for many people. It is also a time of loneliness for many other individuals. It can be a time when people feel emotional distance from acquaintances or relatives. Be cautious of that feeling of loneliness further developing into depression and/or isolation.

Rethink expectations:

Loneliness can develop with thoughts relating to the absence of a romantic partner or not having a big family holiday gathering, and such thoughts rarely seem as uncomfortable as they do during holiday periods. We are supposed to be invited to spectacular holiday parties and enjoy gift exchanges. Very few lifestyles compare to what magazines, cable television shows and movies project. If you rethink your expectations, you can alleviate loneliness by inviting a good friend or relative to dinner versus wishing for a romantic dinner. Seeing the good in a difficult family member and showing them kindness can also help some individuals be relieved of loneliness.

Connect with others:

You can feel lonely even in a crowded room of people, but it is harder to continue to feel lonely in that room of people if you reach out to them. Whether you say hello to a neighbor you normally do not take time to say hello to or direct message a friend, versus just liking their recent social media posting, reaching out and connecting with others is a solution for loneliness.

Attitude of gratitude:

My patient also told me during her therapy session she realizes that she is distancing herself from her co-workers and calling in sick to avoid any interactions with them. She said she is grateful for her co-workers and she must express her gratitude for all their understanding and kindness since her mother’s death. I suggested she maintain a gratitude journal. This exercise will help her to cultivate an attitude of gratitude and provide a written record of what she values to read and re-read anytime she feels sad, depressed or lonely.

Self examination:

If you feel lonely, it may be a cue for change. Talk to a professional about how you feel; this can often be more helpful than people expect. Change is possible!

Dr. Julia Breur is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private clinical psychotherapy practice in Boca Raton. Further information is available at www.drjuliabreur.com.

A student at Stanford University asked his professor permission to skip class because of Rosh Hashanah.

“I am sorry,” the professor said. “You must attend this class. Your holiday cannot cancel it.”

“But professor, it is Rosh Hashanah!”

“Sir, do you realize that the Academic calendar of Stanford has been already arranged 10 years ago? A decade ago, we planned out our entire academic year, to ensure maximum achievement and success. Do you really expect me to change that for you now?”

The student went to his fraternity room, came back a few minutes later with a Jewish calendar.

“Sir, look at this calendar. It has been established not 10 years ago, but 2000 years ago, by the great sage Rabbi Hillel, who established the exact date for every Jewish holiday over the next 3000 years!”

The professor remained silent.

Jews often say “Rosh Hashanah is late this year” or “The holidays are early this year.” In fact, the holidays never are early or late; they are always on time, according to the Jewish calendar!

That student in Stanford inspired me. Don’t let the world change your calendar; let your calendar change the world!

The Hebrew word for ‘secular’ – chol — also means ‘sand.’ This tells us how Judaism views secularism. Secularism is not bad. It is just like sand. Sand does not possess the power of stability. It shifts and moves; it is swept by the sea and blown by the passing wind. It lacks roots.

This is what our children lack without religion in their life. They can be wonderful people, but they are deprived of roots. They are on their own, detached from any constitutive commitments to the past, the future, tradition, a set of relationships, a substantive identity, a sense of binding loyalties, a firm foundation of values, ideals, dreams and morals. That individual, the bearer of rights but not responsibilities, free to enter any lifestyle but at home in none, is the human equivalent of chol, “like chaff blown by the wind.”

What is kodesh — holiness? Our connection to the past and our face turned to what is above. Kodesh – holiness — is the antidote to the rootlessness of chol — Secularism. In this world view, Rosh Hashanah is never late. We do not fix and bend our calendar to every passing wind. A person needs roots, a person needs an unshakable core. That is religion.

Kedushah — holiness means connection, to the universe beyond the self, to generations past and future, to a community of meaning, and to a transcendental reality that links us, ethically and existentially, to the totality of being. It is a voice which speaks persuasively of the covenant of marriage, the sanctity of the family, the moral challenge of parenthood; it is the Jewish view of community, collective responsibility, and the values of tsedakah and faith. It is the importance of education as the conversation between the generations, and the school as the citadel of civilization. It is the deeply humane Jewish view of the sanctity of life and its implications for medical ethics. It is our responsibility as guardians of the natural environment for the sake of future generations.

Above all, it is the voice teaching us of the dignity of human life, our power to change the world one mitzvah at a time, and the meaningfulness of history as the arena of redemption.

Have a happy and healthy sweet new year!

Rabbi Tzvi Dechter is the director of Chabad of North Broward Beaches, located in the Venetian Isle Shopping Center at 2025 E. Sample Rd. in Lighthouse Point. For all upcoming events, please visit www.JewishLHP.com. See Pg. 7 for information on their Rosh Hashanah services, and more about the holiday on pg. 6.