Your inner child is part of your personality that still reacts and feels like a child. If your inner child is happy and healthy, there usually is a part of you that feels and reacts to life in ways only a child would or could. The challenge is to learn to know, accept, connect and take care of your inner child in order to experience more curiosity, joy, wonder, spontaneity and creativity as an adult.
Ellen’s Inner Child:
Ellen, age 27, began seeing me for therapy because she said she was drinking too much alcohol and becoming depressed. In the past, she enjoyed meeting friends on weekends and enjoying a glass or two of wine, but, lately, she was drinking a bottle of wine by herself almost every evening.
Ellen’s parents died in a car accident when she was 10 years old. She then moved to Virginia from Florida to live with her maternal grandparents. Adjusting to this new life was difficult. She missed her parents and cried herself to sleep most nights. She especially missed her mother’s kind voice and her constant hugs and kisses. Ellen’s grandparents hired teenagers to watch her if they went out to dinner or visited friends. One of those teenagers told her she was a loser because she lived with her grandparents, and that made Ellen feel embarrassed. After speaking with a teacher about this bully, she felt better and continued to do well in school and dreamed about returning to Florida one day.
Ellen and I also spoke about her excessive alcohol intake and the physical and mental debilitation and damage it can cause. We discussed her thoughts, feelings and behaviors relating to alcohol and she realized that drinking excessive alcohol was not good for her and causing depression.
Ellen’s favorite holiday as a child was Christmas. She recalled that her mother pointed out to her that South Floridians wore sweaters, boots and coats around Christmas when the outdoor temperature went below 70 degrees. She remembered how they would both giggle when they saw someone who was not a South Floridian during the Christmas holiday wearing shorts and a T-shirt when the temperature was that low.
Ellen is working at caring and nurturing her inner child. The sad truth that her parents died when she was 10 years old hurt her, and then living with grandparents at a time when they wanted to live their lives without the burden of caring for a child was yet another tough reality we talked about.
The other day Ellen caught herself giggling while seeing a person wearing shorts and a T-shirt in the 65 degree south Florida weather while she was wearing a sweater, boots and a coat. The giggling made her feel child-like. Ellen’s inner child is now helping her adult self move forward in many good ways and she realized — change is possible!
Ways to reconnect with The Inner Child:
• Laugh more often: Laugh out loud like a child would do. It will keep you healthy! According to the Mayo Clinic, laughter increases oxygen to the heart, lungs and muscles, as well as increase endorphins released by the brain which improve mood and reduce physical pain.
• Play: Not a round of golf or a tennis match… Play for the simple pleasure of playing. Have a fun conversation with a friend, buy a sketchbook and colored pencils to draw like you did as a child, play a board game, toss a football or Frisbee on the beach, be creative and explore the art of play again. When the inner child is engaged in playing, answers to unrelated concerns can be revealed.
• Be open to possibilities: As children we had to be open to meeting new people and having new experiences. We lose that openness as we age, and we become protective of our time and energy. The inner child lives for new experiences so expand your comfort zone, be open, be curious and be kind to what you normally would not take notice of or invest in.
Dr. Julia Breur is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private clinical psychotherapy practice in Boca Raton. Her website is www.drjuliabreur.com. For more information, e-mail info@drjuliabreur.com or call 561-512-8545.
