Your inner child is part of your personality that still reacts and feels like a child. If your inner child is happy and healthy, there usually is a part of you that feels and reacts to life in ways only a child would or could. The challenge is to learn to know, accept, connect and take care of your inner child in order to experience more curiosity, joy, wonder, spontaneity and creativity as an adult.

Ellen’s Inner Child:

Ellen, age 27, began seeing me for therapy because she said she was drinking too much alcohol and becoming depressed. In the past, she enjoyed meeting friends on weekends and enjoying a glass or two of wine, but, lately, she was drinking a bottle of wine by herself almost every evening.

Ellen’s parents died in a car accident when she was 10 years old. She then moved to Virginia from Florida to live with her maternal grandparents. Adjusting to this new life was difficult. She missed her parents and cried herself to sleep most nights. She especially missed her mother’s kind voice and her constant hugs and kisses. Ellen’s grandparents hired teenagers to watch her if they went out to dinner or visited friends. One of those teenagers told her she was a loser because she lived with her grandparents, and that made Ellen feel embarrassed. After speaking with a teacher about this bully, she felt better and continued to do well in school and dreamed about returning to Florida one day.

Ellen and I also spoke about her excessive alcohol intake and the physical and mental debilitation and damage it can cause. We discussed her thoughts, feelings and behaviors relating to alcohol and she realized that drinking excessive alcohol was not good for her and causing depression.

Ellen’s favorite holiday as a child was Christmas. She recalled that her mother pointed out to her that South Floridians wore sweaters, boots and coats around Christmas when the outdoor temperature went below 70 degrees. She remembered how they would both giggle when they saw someone who was not a South Floridian during the Christmas holiday wearing shorts and a T-shirt when the temperature was that low.

Ellen is working at caring and nurturing her inner child. The sad truth that her parents died when she was 10 years old hurt her, and then living with grandparents at a time when they wanted to live their lives without the burden of caring for a child was yet another tough reality we talked about.

The other day Ellen caught herself giggling while seeing a person wearing shorts and a T-shirt in the 65 degree south Florida weather while she was wearing a sweater, boots and a coat. The giggling made her feel child-like. Ellen’s inner child is now helping her adult self move forward in many good ways and she realized — change is possible!

Ways to reconnect with The Inner Child:

• Laugh more often: Laugh out loud like a child would do. It will keep you healthy! According to the Mayo Clinic, laughter increases oxygen to the heart, lungs and muscles, as well as increase endorphins released by the brain which improve mood and reduce physical pain.

• Play: Not a round of golf or a tennis match… Play for the simple pleasure of playing. Have a fun conversation with a friend, buy a sketchbook and colored pencils to draw like you did as a child, play a board game, toss a football or Frisbee on the beach, be creative and explore the art of play again. When the inner child is engaged in playing, answers to unrelated concerns can be revealed.

• Be open to possibilities: As children we had to be open to meeting new people and having new experiences. We lose that openness as we age, and we become protective of our time and energy. The inner child lives for new experiences so expand your comfort zone, be open, be curious and be kind to what you normally would not take notice of or invest in.

Dr. Julia Breur is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private clinical psychotherapy practice in Boca Raton. Her website is www.drjuliabreur.com. For more information, e-mail info@drjuliabreur.com or call 561-512-8545.

It’s November and that means many of us will celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. Many folks will gather with family members and enjoy a Thanksgiving feast. For others, it means the onset of “holiday blues” or feelings of sadness and depression.

Being thankful or grateful are ways we express feelings of appreciation. The difference between thankful and grateful is that thankful is an inward expression and grateful is an outward one.

Major benefits of being thankful and grateful:

Makes one happy

Opens door to more relationships

Improves physical and mental health

Strengthens one’s self esteem

Sleeping habits improve

Makes one optimistic

Enhances empathy

Two topic related patient stories follow, and, after reading them, I ask that you reflect upon what you are thankful and grateful for in your life.

Mary’s story

Mary is a psychotherapy patient of mine that initially contacted me because she found out that she was unable to become pregnant. She and her husband had numerous medical tests to diagnose her inability to conceive. After this news, Mary quickly became withdrawn from her husband and believed that she was depressed.

Mary told me that she always dreamed of getting married and having lots of children. With the current news, she was convinced that her husband would leave her in order to find a new partner who could conceive and give him children.

After a few months of therapy sessions, the couple acknowledged the reality, the sadness and the potential possibilities of their situation. Mary and her husband are currently investigating adoption programs in order to have the large family they want. Mary and her husband are thankfulthat they have the option to consider adopting children and they are grateful that psychotherapy allows them to have the space to express their feelings about each other, adopting children and parenting.

Tim’s story

Tim was a 17 year-old senior at a local Boca Raton High School. He was accepted to a prestigious college along with a tennis scholarship. Tim has a great family, was a stellar high school student, an athlete, enjoyed his social life and had a healthy approach to eating food, and was physically active.

Tim was also complaining of right knee pain and had an examination with his primary care physician. Tim was diagnosed with Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis (JIP). He had severe inflammation and joint damage in his right knee.

Tim took this news poorly and became depressed. Tim’s parents asked him to meet with me for his depression. He agreed, and the first thing he said to me when we met at my office was “My life is over! I am disappointing so many people because I have a damaged knee.”

Tim and I discussed many facets of his life during therapy sessions. We defined the new limits of his right knee and discussed acceptance of JIP, swimming as an alternative to playing tennis, his family and personal relationships, managing depression and his overall connection to his thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

Fast forward: Tim graduated from college and is now in medical school. He teaches tennis lessons to children and speaks regularly for the Arthritis Foundation on JIP. Tim is thankfulthat knowledgeable, supportive, caring and loving people helped him through his diagnosis of JIP and grateful for having a better understanding that life is a wonderful journey worth living that includes unexpected experiences. Tim demonstrates that change is possible.

Dr. Julia Breur is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private clinical psychotherapy practice in Boca Raton. Her website is www.drjuliabreur.com. For more information, e-mail info@drjuliabreur.com or call 561-512-8545.

Today’s thoughts are directed to vocational ministers, lay-leaders and members of local churches across all denominations. One of my long-time pet peeves is those who think of and call any ministry “theirs.” Have you ever heard a preacher or lay-person use the phrase “my church?” The verbiage may seem harmless, but that statement is the first step down a very slippery slope!

Jesus clearly claimed the church as HIS when He said, “I will build MY church” (Matthew 16:18). The church is referred to as “Christ’s body, of which He is the Head” (Ephesians 1:22-23). In the same passage, the Apostle Paul declared Christ to be the bridegroom, Who lovingly and sacrificially chose the church to be HIS “Bride” (Ephesians 5:25-27). Jesus gave Himself up for the church, “to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the Word.” In addition, we see that one day there will be a wedding feast held in Heaven called the “Marriage Supper of the Lamb” followed by Christ’s eternal union with His bride (Revelation 19:7-9; 21:1-2).

These passages are very clear and vitally important because if we ever mistakenly believe the church is “ours,” that skewed view will result in sinful behavior. During my 35 years of ministry, I have been a witness to pastors, deacons, and lay-people who have been willing to divide or harm a congregation in order to make a point or to get their way. I have seen church members manipulate people and/or circumstances for personal gain. I have seen people attack churches and church leaders through gossip, letter writing, texting and/or phone calling campaigns. I have seen cowards attack ministries using the weapon of a keyboard to post negativity on social media. Such actions clearly reveal those who believe the church belongs to them.

One such illustration is seen in a lady who left a church over five years ago, but still regularly and “religiously” tries to convince members to leave “her” former church and start attending “her” new church. Did you catch that … she wants them to attend “her” church. Such proselytizing only happens when a person has the mindset that the church belongs to them. Attempting to poach for or solicit members from the former church is evidence of a skewed view of church ownership. You might expect such action from a layperson; but, sadly, I have witnessed pastors, staff members, Christian School employees, Deacons and other lay-leaders who have intentionally tried to inflict harm as they left a ministry. No one who understands scripture and believes the church belongs to Christ would ever try to harm, divide, damage or destroy God’s church – ever!

The Apostle Paul states in Ephesians 5:25-27 that Christ “gave up His life for her (the church) ²⁶ to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.²⁷ He did this to present her to Himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish.” You see, when a person truly understands that Christ died for His Church, we realized how much He really loves her! Realizing that, who would dare throw mud on the wedding dress of Christ’s Bride? Who would speak ill or maliciously against Christ’s Bride? Who would try to cause division within or gossip about Christ’s Bride? Answer – only those who do not know or respect the Bridegroom.

The greatest indicator of your belief about church ownership is not seen while attending a specific church, but rather when you leave that church. Serving while attending is easy, but a person’s true character is seen by the manner in which they leave. Some feel the church owes them something because of their tenure, how much money they have given or how influential they have been. Some take credit for past successes, while hoping for future failure. Some wreak havoc, while others aide in a smooth transition. Some encourage those who remain, while others attempt to proselytize. The bottom-line is that how you treat the Bride (the church) reveals the level of respect you have for the Bridegroom. This is a great reminder that the church belongs to Jesus Christ, so let us behave with integrity and treat her accordingly.

Dr. Gary A. Colboch is Senior Pastor at Grace Church located at 501 NE 48 St. in Pompano Beach. For more information, call 954-421-0190 or pastor@gbcfl.org.

Tattoos have exploded in popularity over the past decade and have become an artistic way for people to express themselves. What do tattoos mean? Before we address the meaning of various tattoos, let’s take a brief look at the history of tattoos.

We can go back almost 12,000 years where tools for tattooing were found in France, Portugal and Scandinavia. The oldest surviving tattoos were found on a mummy in the Otzi Valley in the Alps from the fifth to fourth millennium BC. Ancient Egypt and India used tattoos as methods of religious worship and healing. Ancient Romans, Greeks and Chinese tattooed their slaves and criminals to be able to identify them if they escaped.

The Jewish world has a longstanding aversion to tattoos. The taboo against body ink remains powerful among largely secular Jews. The objection relates to Leviticus 19.28 “You shall not make gashes in your flesh for the dead, or incise any marks on yourself.” Some liberal Jews have taken a fresh look at tattoos, but many still overwhelmingly see tattoos as inconsistent with the teachings of Jewish tradition.

Most people get tattoos to tell a story, to highlight pain, triumph and obstacles they have faced in their lives. Tattoos can also be therapeutic to some. Below are a few types of therapeutic tattoos:

Mastectomy Tattoo Movement: Following Breast Cancer treatment, some women opt to get artistic tattoos to cover mastectomy scars and to reclaim their bodies. An organization P.ink (Personal ink) refers Breast Cancer survivors to tattoo artists with mastectomy tattoo experience.

Recovery from Addiction Tattoo: It takes amazing strength to address and recover from addiction. It helps to have motivational reminders to stay on track, and a tattoo can inspire and celebrate recovery. A patient of mine has “one day at a time” tattooed on the inside of her wrist. If she feels anxious, she reads her tattoo and that reminds her to slow down, breath, realize she can make it through today sober and contact her sponsor for support.

Memorializing a Loss Tattoo: Sarah, a former psychotherapy patient of mine lost her father to suicide. Sarah had a tattoo behind her left ear — a semicolon. She explained that she searched for a tattoo that would honor her father and increase awareness of mental health problems. She stumbled upon “Project Semicolon.” This organization is dedicated to preventing suicide. Sarah has taken a positive step in her healing process and told me she likes to talk to others who have experienced devastating loss in their lives and wants to promote positive ways to discuss mental health issues.

A 60-year-old female patient told me that for years she thought anyone getting a tattoo did not realize the consequences, such as not liking it after a few years, and the time and pain involved to have it removed. Then, she pointed out a hummingbird tattoo on her right shoulder. She decided to get this tattoo because it represented her daughter who had died of Brain Cancer. This tattoo brought her peace. Here was a woman who was anti-tattoos for years and, at the age of 60, decided there was a very good reason, the memory of her daughter, to get a tattoo. Yes, change is possible!

Dr. Julia Breur is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private clinical psychotherapy practice in Boca Raton. For more information, call 561-512-8545, e-mail info@drjuliabreur.com or visit www.drjuliabreur.com.