It’s November and that means many of us will celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. Many folks will gather with family members and enjoy a Thanksgiving feast. For others, it means the onset of “holiday blues” or feelings of sadness and depression.

Being thankful or grateful are ways we express feelings of appreciation. The difference between thankful and grateful is that thankful is an inward expression and grateful is an outward one.

Major benefits of being thankful and grateful:

Makes one happy

Opens door to more relationships

Improves physical and mental health

Strengthens one’s self esteem

Sleeping habits improve

Makes one optimistic

Enhances empathy

Two topic related patient stories follow, and, after reading them, I ask that you reflect upon what you are thankful and grateful for in your life.

Mary’s story

Mary is a psychotherapy patient of mine that initially contacted me because she found out that she was unable to become pregnant. She and her husband had numerous medical tests to diagnose her inability to conceive. After this news, Mary quickly became withdrawn from her husband and believed that she was depressed.

Mary told me that she always dreamed of getting married and having lots of children. With the current news, she was convinced that her husband would leave her in order to find a new partner who could conceive and give him children.

After a few months of therapy sessions, the couple acknowledged the reality, the sadness and the potential possibilities of their situation. Mary and her husband are currently investigating adoption programs in order to have the large family they want. Mary and her husband are thankfulthat they have the option to consider adopting children and they are grateful that psychotherapy allows them to have the space to express their feelings about each other, adopting children and parenting.

Tim’s story

Tim was a 17 year-old senior at a local Boca Raton High School. He was accepted to a prestigious college along with a tennis scholarship. Tim has a great family, was a stellar high school student, an athlete, enjoyed his social life and had a healthy approach to eating food, and was physically active.

Tim was also complaining of right knee pain and had an examination with his primary care physician. Tim was diagnosed with Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis (JIP). He had severe inflammation and joint damage in his right knee.

Tim took this news poorly and became depressed. Tim’s parents asked him to meet with me for his depression. He agreed, and the first thing he said to me when we met at my office was “My life is over! I am disappointing so many people because I have a damaged knee.”

Tim and I discussed many facets of his life during therapy sessions. We defined the new limits of his right knee and discussed acceptance of JIP, swimming as an alternative to playing tennis, his family and personal relationships, managing depression and his overall connection to his thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

Fast forward: Tim graduated from college and is now in medical school. He teaches tennis lessons to children and speaks regularly for the Arthritis Foundation on JIP. Tim is thankfulthat knowledgeable, supportive, caring and loving people helped him through his diagnosis of JIP and grateful for having a better understanding that life is a wonderful journey worth living that includes unexpected experiences. Tim demonstrates that change is possible.

Dr. Julia Breur is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private clinical psychotherapy practice in Boca Raton. Her website is www.drjuliabreur.com. For more information, e-mail info@drjuliabreur.com or call 561-512-8545.

Fifty-five years ago, the mother of a loving family gave birth to a baby girl with Down’s syndrome. The child was sent to an institution and never mentioned in the family again … A middle aged daughter sits with her aging mother, who survived Auschwitz and learns that her father had been married before and had two daughters. She also learns that her father’s first wife and two daughters were murdered in Poland by the Nazis … A husband and wife celebrate their 25^th wedding anniversary and the husband, recovering from a heart attack, tells his wife that he has fallen in love with his cardiologist — his male cardiologist … These are a few examples of secrets families carry. More often than not, they carry shame along with the secrets. “We are as sick as our secrets” is a slogan said at 12 Step programs, along with encouragement to share those secrets with a higher power and another human being in order to remove the power the secrets holds.

Keeping certain things in our lives to ourselves can certainly be a normal aspect of privacy; but, when such secrets have an impact on the family’s well-being, they can cause hurt and disrupt familial bonds.

As a licensed psychotherapist, I hear details of family secrets during many of my family therapy sessions.

Some of the family secrets disclosed include physical abuse, substance abuse, sexual abuse and hidden political opinions. (Families say they can finally open up about sexual abuse due to the “Me Too” movement and others say they hide their political opinions due to the current U.S. political climate.)

At times, family secrets are maintained due to the desire to protect someone. Parents try to protect their children from information and past situations they believe if known would be painful. Sometimes, this desire to protect does the opposite. One example is a parent not telling their child they are adopted. Another example is a caretaker who is known to the child as their mother tells the child that another relative is their actual birth mother. In these situations, honesty is best. Honesty will decrease the long held belief of protection and shame associated with family secrets.

Keeping a secret sometimes is the better choice and not unhealthy. If a patient tells me they wish to keep their past sexual escapades from their spouse or even their voting record a secret, I help them see that privacy is an active choice that they can be content with.

Many issues that were stigmatized in the past such as adoption, divorce, sexual orientation and gender identity have become more accepted today. Discussing these issues with openness helps affirm to a family that their situations are not shameful. They have become normalized and cared about.

My work as a psychotherapist is to cultivate honesty within the family system and to encourage dealing with family issues in a healthy manner. Family secrets can be worked through and families can realize that “change is possible.”

Dr. Julia Breur is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private clinical psychotherapy practice in Boca Raton. Her website is www.drjuliabreur.com. For more information, e-mail info@drjuliabreur.com or call 561-512-8545.

By Gary Curreri

Michael Hutchens defeated Matt Lazarus, 224-223, to win the men’s open championship in the Broward County United States Bowling Congress Association’s Top Eight Tournament at the Strikers Family SportsCenter in Sunrise recently.

The 36-year-old Pompano Beach man was sitting in third place during qualifying until he rolled a 274 to seize the top seed. 

“I loved it,” Hutchens said. “It was awesome! I love the sport because it is competitive and you can beat anybody,” Hutchens said. “It doesn’t matter what generation you are from, what you like or what your personal interests are. Anything about this game, it doesn’t matter. We are all here for one thing and that is to bowl, and that is what I love.

“You can be a rocker, you can be country or you can be rap,” he continued. “You can be anything you want.”

It was his debut in the Top-8 tournament. He moved to Florida from Indiana in 2013. He bowls at Diamond Strike Lanes in Pompano on Wednesdays, Strikes@Boca on Thursdays and Sawgrass Bowl in Tamarac on Fridays.

The top eight bowlers from around Broward County competed in the one-day event in six divisions –Boys and Girls, Men’s and Women’s Open, and Senior Men and Women. 

“I just wanted to show that I belonged, that’s it,” said Hutchens, who said he has bowled more than a dozen perfect 300-games. “I usually average between 225 and 230, but averaged 240 today. To me, bowling is about fun. It is the enjoyment of the game, meeting new people and everybody fits in because we love one thing and that’s bowling. We all want to win.

We all want to enjoy it, but at the same time we want everybody to be good.”

The competitors in the tournament bowled three games of qualifying and the top four bowlers in each division bowled step ladder finals. The fourth-seeded bowler took on the third seed and that winner bowled the second seed, and the that winner bowled the top-seed for the title.

To qualify for the event, bowlers need to bowl in two leagues in two different houses (bowling alleys) or two leagues in the same bowling center. They have to compete in at least 2/3 of the league to qualify for the Top-8. Juniors needed only one league to qualify for the annual tournament.

Tattoos have exploded in popularity over the past decade and have become an artistic way for people to express themselves. What do tattoos mean? Before we address the meaning of various tattoos, let’s take a brief look at the history of tattoos.

We can go back almost 12,000 years where tools for tattooing were found in France, Portugal and Scandinavia. The oldest surviving tattoos were found on a mummy in the Otzi Valley in the Alps from the fifth to fourth millennium BC. Ancient Egypt and India used tattoos as methods of religious worship and healing. Ancient Romans, Greeks and Chinese tattooed their slaves and criminals to be able to identify them if they escaped.

The Jewish world has a longstanding aversion to tattoos. The taboo against body ink remains powerful among largely secular Jews. The objection relates to Leviticus 19.28 “You shall not make gashes in your flesh for the dead, or incise any marks on yourself.” Some liberal Jews have taken a fresh look at tattoos, but many still overwhelmingly see tattoos as inconsistent with the teachings of Jewish tradition.

Most people get tattoos to tell a story, to highlight pain, triumph and obstacles they have faced in their lives. Tattoos can also be therapeutic to some. Below are a few types of therapeutic tattoos:

Mastectomy Tattoo Movement: Following Breast Cancer treatment, some women opt to get artistic tattoos to cover mastectomy scars and to reclaim their bodies. An organization P.ink (Personal ink) refers Breast Cancer survivors to tattoo artists with mastectomy tattoo experience.

Recovery from Addiction Tattoo: It takes amazing strength to address and recover from addiction. It helps to have motivational reminders to stay on track, and a tattoo can inspire and celebrate recovery. A patient of mine has “one day at a time” tattooed on the inside of her wrist. If she feels anxious, she reads her tattoo and that reminds her to slow down, breath, realize she can make it through today sober and contact her sponsor for support.

Memorializing a Loss Tattoo: Sarah, a former psychotherapy patient of mine lost her father to suicide. Sarah had a tattoo behind her left ear — a semicolon. She explained that she searched for a tattoo that would honor her father and increase awareness of mental health problems. She stumbled upon “Project Semicolon.” This organization is dedicated to preventing suicide. Sarah has taken a positive step in her healing process and told me she likes to talk to others who have experienced devastating loss in their lives and wants to promote positive ways to discuss mental health issues.

A 60-year-old female patient told me that for years she thought anyone getting a tattoo did not realize the consequences, such as not liking it after a few years, and the time and pain involved to have it removed. Then, she pointed out a hummingbird tattoo on her right shoulder. She decided to get this tattoo because it represented her daughter who had died of Brain Cancer. This tattoo brought her peace. Here was a woman who was anti-tattoos for years and, at the age of 60, decided there was a very good reason, the memory of her daughter, to get a tattoo. Yes, change is possible!

Dr. Julia Breur is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private clinical psychotherapy practice in Boca Raton. For more information, call 561-512-8545, e-mail info@drjuliabreur.com or visit www.drjuliabreur.com.

One evening recently, my wife and I stopped into a small boutique shop in our neighborhood after dinner.

While browsing, I spotted a decorative plaque that read: Remember, as far as anyone knows, we are a nice, normal family.

The shopkeeper noticed my chuckle and said the plaque had been a huge seller.

My interest was piqued. I went home and did some research on the licensing of this quote. Turns out, it’s being printed on everything from coasters to clocks, and sales have skyrocketed in the last few years.

Why do so many people relate to the sentiment? Because, deep down, we all feel like our families aren’t what they should be.

There are skeletons in our closets. There are old scars and new wounds left by broken marriages, wayward children and countless disappointments.

Most of us even worry at one point or another that our families may border on being (gasp) dysfunctional. So we do our best to portray a nice, normal image to the on-looking world.

Here’s some comforting news: Every family is dysfunctional. The question is to what degree?

Family can be a source of support and grounding, but it can also be a hotbed for conflict and unresolved tensions. Thankfully, there are steps you and I can take to help keep our families strong and filled with love:

• Focus on God – Establish your family on a solid foundation by focusing on God.

Start by taking time to pray together every day. If you aren’t in the habit of praying as a family, it may be awkward at first. Don’t let that stop you. The cliché is true: The family that prays together stays together.

• Forgive Quickly – Every family is made up of flawed human beings. You’re not perfect and neither are those closest to you, so you aren’t going to get through life without being hurt. Decide to forgive your family members of their wrongs quickly. Showing grace and allowing for each other’s mistakes is the oil that keeps the machinery of family running.

Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:32)

• Prioritize Quality Time

– Investing time in family members is essential to deepening relationships and keeping things on course. Build more family time into your routine:

• Have Dinner Together. Several times per week, have dinner as a family.

The dinner table is where community is built.

• Celebrate Successes and Special Occasions: Birthdays, graduations, weddings and holidays are powerful times to reconnect with family and focus on God’s blessings.

You and I have a responsibility to create healthy families, but we have to simultaneously turn them over to God. We can build foundations, but we can’t control outcomes.

As we put God first and then let go and trust him to work out his purposes, He will.

In the process, he’ll build strong, beautiful families who display his unconditional love to the world.

I would love for you to join me at The Journey – Boca Raton this Sunday at 9:30 or 11 a.m., as we continue our teaching series about a guy who knew a few things about family dysfunction and other hardships, Joseph: From Pit to Pinnacle.

As our guest, you’ll receive a free copy of Unshakable: How to Stand Strong Through Life’s Storms – an essential guide to weathering the inevitable difficulties we all face. Visit www. bocajourney.com for more details. I hope to see you there!

Nelson Searcy is the founding pastor of The Journey Church in Boca Raton.

WHAT: Quiet Waters Park in Deerfield Beach will host a Splash Luau, for all ages, on Friday, June 10, from 6 to 10 p.m. This family-oriented event will include a movie, luau games, and other activities, along with splash time in the park’s Splash Adventure water park.

The $5.50-per-person admission fee does not include refreshments. Space is limited. Advance ticket sales are required and available by phone through the park office and at Splash Adventure during normal operating hours.

WHERE: Splash Adventure

Quiet Waters Park

401 S. Powerline Rd., Deerfield Beach 33442

954-357-5100

WHEN: Friday, June 10

6-10 p.m.

WHO: For all ages.

HOW: $5.50/per person. Advance ticket sales required. Fee does not include refreshments, which are available for purchase.

For further information, call the park at 954-357-5100, or visit www.broward.org/parks. The park is accessible via Broward County Transit Routes #14 and #48.

Founded in February 1956 and accredited by the Commission for Accreditation of Park and Recreation Agencies, Broward County Parks and Recreation manages nearly 6,500 acres, encompassing 18 regional parks and nature centers, six neighborhood parks, and 21 natural areas at various stages of development. Facilities include water parks, campgrounds, a target range, a stadium, skate parks, an observatory, mountain bike trails, an educational farm with stables, and a velodrome and other sports facilities. Hours and fees vary by location. For more information, visit www.broward.org/parks.

Individuals with disabilities requiring accommodations in order to participate in County programs, services, and activities must contact the Special Populations Section at 954-357-8170 or TTY 954-537-2844 at least 10 business days prior to the scheduled meeting or event to request an accommodation.