The Therapy Room: Winter Holiday Survival Tips for Anxiety and Depression

The winter holidays cause many to experience unwanted stress, anxiety and depression. Many factors trigger such reactions and include unrealistic expectations of self and others, financial pressures, making too many commitments to family, co-workers and friends, and, sometimes, even focusing on the inability to be with those you believe you would prefer to be with.

Certain individuals feel anxious or depressed around the winter holidays due to seasonal affective disorder (SAD), which is also referred to as seasonal depression. SAD is a kind of depression that tends to occur as daylight grows shorter in the fall and winter months and, therefore, is a result of inadequate exposure to sunlight.

The symptoms of SAD include tiredness, fatigue, sadness, irritability, poor concentration, muscular pain, insomnia, appetite changes, excessive alcohol consumption, social isolation and loneliness. Lifestyle changes that are proven to decrease SAD symptoms include spending more time outdoors, exercising and maintaining healthy eating habits. Psychotherapy, light therapy, acupuncture and medications are additional options to consider to decrease SAD symptoms.

Organizing and balancing the demands of holiday gifts and food shopping, family obligations, social gathering events and even house guests contribute to feelings of stress, anxiety, being overwhelmed and increased tension.

If someone dismisses depression, they may actually develop stress responses and experience physical and emotional symptoms, such as headaches, over-eating, insomnia or excessive alcohol consumption. Some individuals also experience anxiety and depression after the New Year due to high expectations leading to extreme disappointments.

Many of us think about loved ones who have passed away during the winter holidays. Love does not end in death and it is important that we keep such loved ones alive by the way we live. Include memories of them during your holiday gatherings and celebration by decorating a wreath with items that remind you of them, display happy memory pictures, make their favorite dish for your family and friends to enjoy, or light a candle and reflect on the light they continue to bring to your life.

For those suffering from winter holiday anxiety or depression, benefits may be realized by increasing social support, asking for help and sharing family holiday responsibilities, such as food shopping and preparation, maintaining a budget for gift purchases and making, and taking, time to relax. Psychotherapy and support groups can help you gain insight into your holiday blues, relieve stress and bring a layer of needed social support.

Tips to prevent stress, anxiety and depression during the winter holidays:

• Set realistic goals and make realistic expectations

• Do not take on more responsibilities than you can manage — delegate!

• Do not set yourself up for disappointment and sadness

• Volunteer and help others — you will be helping yourself as well!

• Limit or do not drink alcohol — excessive alcohol consumption increases feelings of depression

• Reach out and make new friends — spend time with supportive people

Winter holidays bring anxiety and depression into many lives and can be managed by implementing the above tips. Also consider seeking individual psychotherapy or group support if these symptoms become overwhelming and too much of a burden. This winter holiday season make time for yourself and consider doing something new — change is possible!

Dr. Julia Breur, Ph. D., LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a private clinical psychotherapy practice in Boca Raton, Florida. Further information available at www.drjuliabreur.com.

Bullying has existed since the beginning of time. This is the digital age and today bullying no longer simply happens in one’s personal space. One can be cyber-bullied from thousands of miles away over the Internet using e-mail or text messaging, or using Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and many other Internet sites. With so many ways to bully others, it is getting more difficult than ever to control it, and to protect and save victims. What exactly is bullying, who are bullies and what are their motivations, and why are certain individuals targeted? Let’s explore these questions.

Let’s define bullying:

It is unwanted, aggressive and repetitive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance, such as physical strength or access to private, or embarrassing, information to control or harm an individual. Bullying includes actions such as threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and purposely excluding someone from a group.

Three types of bullying:

Verbal: Saying or writing mean things by teasing, name-calling, saying inappropriate sexual comments, or taunting and threatening to harm.

Physical: Hurting a person’s body or possessions by hitting, kicking, pinching, tripping, pushing, spitting, breaking someone’s possessions and making inappropriate hand gestures.

Social or relational: Hurting someone’s reputation or relationships by leaving someone out of a group activity, telling others not to be friends with someone, spreading rumors and publicly embarrassing someone.

Who is the bully?

Bullies come from all walks of life, all ages, genders, races and from all parts of the world. Bullies are often people who have been bullied or abused themselves, and turn to being powerful using fear tactics as a way to gain respect from people who look up to them. There are also new studies that show that bullies have excellent self-esteem and usually have a sense of entitlement, and lack social skills and impulse control.

Who are the victims?

People who bully tend to look for victims over whom they believe they have power. Bullies pick on others who are shy, socially isolated, insecure or different in the way they look or act compared to the norm.

No one deserves to be bullied and many victims feel shame or embarrassment that they have been bullied, so often try to hide it. The victims of bullying often feel badly and see themselves as deserving of the bully’s attention.

Who is the bully-victim?

Some individuals fit both the role of bully and victim and are defined as such. Generally, from a behavioral and emotional point of view, bullies experience behavioral issues; victims experience emotional issues; bully-victims experience both behavioral and emotional issues. Studies show that the bully-victim generally experiences the most problems and has the highest risk of adverse outcomes.

What can we all do?

If a person is being bullied, they should tell someone, such as a parent, a teacher or a police officer. The person being told must then take action to stop the behavior. Psychotherapy can help get to the root of the issue and help the victim recover, and help the bully change their actions and behavior.

Bullying is a serious issue and must be stopped, as it has proven to have lasting psychological effects on the victims and the bullies as well. There is help for victims, bullies and anyone who knows that bullying is going on. Do not be a bystander; it is everyone’s responsibility to help stop bullying – change is possible! For more information, go to www.stopbullying.gov.

Dr. Julia Breur is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private clinical psychotherapy practice in Boca Raton. Further Information is available at www.drjuliabreur.com.

Before making landfall in Florida, Hurricane Irma broke records on its relentless churn through the Caribbean. Irma spent 8.5 days as a major hurricane and sustained 185 mph winds for 37 hours as a Category 5 hurricane — making it the longest cyclone on the globe to maintain such intensity. Irma was the strongest storm that has ever existed in the Atlantic outside the Caribbean and Gulf of Mexico. Irma will break more records and will be with us in many ways, such as through flooding issues, wind damage, power outages, structural damage and destruction to homes, businesses, vegetation, pets, farm animals, vehicles, boats, bridges and roadways.

A high percentage of those living or working in the path of this hurricane, which happened to be the entire state of Florida, experienced stress and anxiety when planning a strategy to deal with the onset and then fall out of this force of nature.

The American Psychological Association states that it is common for people to experience very strong emotional reactions with the arrival of a hurricane and its accompanying damage to homes and community infrastructures. Understanding common responses to extreme events can help you to cope effectively with your feelings, thoughts and behaviors.

Here are steps one can take to help restore emotional well-being and a sense of control in the wake of Hurricane Irma:

•Recognize and manage: You have tackled hardships at other times in your life. Tap into the skills you used to get through past challenges.

•Network TV and online news: Watching replays of footage from the hurricane can make your stress even greater. Often, the media tries to interest viewers by presenting worst case scenarios and they may not be representative of your home or community.

•Ask for and get support: Reach out to people who care about you and who will listen and empathize with your situation. Find out about local support groups led by trained and experienced professionals.

Engage in healthy behaviors to enhance your ability to cope with excessive stress. Eat well-balanced meals and get plenty of rest. If you experience difficulties sleeping, you may be able to find some relief through relaxation techniques. Avoid alcohol and drugs since these can increase a sense of depression and/or impede you from doing what is necessary to be resilient and cope with events.

Individuals with prolonged distress related to Irma that disrupt their daily functioning should consider consulting with a trained and experienced mental health professional to help provide education about best responses to extreme stress and create a plan for moving forward.

As you gather with family, friends and co-workers in the days and months ahead for special events, or to celebrate holidays, reflect on what Hurricane Irma may have taught you and then hold onto those you love a little tighter, and listen with kindness to those you may disagree with in order to find common ground or initiate compromise. The devastation caused by Hurricane Irma helps us acknowledge how precious life is and it can also help us better demonstrate to our self and others an appreciation for this beautiful, amazing and challenging life we have. Change is possible.

Dr. Julia Breur is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private clinical psychotherapy practice in Boca Raton. Further information available at www.drjuliabreur.com.

By Emily Rosen

ERosen424@aol.com

www.emilyrosen424.com

I’m sitting at my computer about to call Comcast — again. I feel pins sticking in my scalp and worms creeping around my stomach. I have spent the better part of a month almost daily (I’ve actually added the hours … between 30 and 35) on several different issues, most of which have more or less been attended to – finally. My frustration level hit the ceiling weeks ago, and my sense of helplessness in being trapped by corporate bureaucracy, incompetence and robotic responses, has taken its toll on my psyche. And now, after concentrating totally on service and technology, I am about to engage again, this time on the subject of my astronomical bill (and still more other stuff) which far exceeds that which was quoted to me on contract. My hand is on the phone, but the thought of another conversation literally makes me dizzy and nauseous.

This brings me to the affirmation of my belief in the significance of the mind-body connection and the physically destructive power of stress. And surely, I realize that in the larger scheme of life, this is a relatively ant-like stress, especially as I watch the physical and psychic tortures of people all over the world who have insoluble problems.

Some people need Yoga, mindful meditation, Tai Chi, massages, a walk in the woods, deep psycho-therapy, drum retreats, and who knows how many legitimate and successful treatments for stress reduction there are … and how truly valuable it is to society that they all exist (except for the scams). I am always in awe about the many ways there are for folks to find the ability to cope.

For me, it’s very simple and inexpensive. In my most stressful moments, I find crazy relief in the gratitude I feel for not having to endure anything worse, something I’d often had disagreements about with a good friend. She always insisted to me that someone else’s worse troubles did nothing to diminish her own lesser ones. I guess people diverge on many different levels.

Though I very rarely go to Facebook, I did just indulge in my once in awhile time there where I discovered one of the best reminders I have ever heard of on how to live well, other than the “Serenity Prayer.” This one goes, “Anything you can’t control is teaching you to let go.”

I’m not quite ready to let go of my Comcast issues. However, Labor Day is over. Fall is settling in; it’s back to routines and soon the end of year holidays will challenge our stress quotient. So I will hang loose when Comcast tells me, again, this call may be recorded for quality assurance – and I will refrain from bringing up the previous 26 (recorded by me) calls of the past few weeks. I have a new glitch in my programming, sigh, sigh — in addition to the bill — and I can’t believe I did this to myself. I switched voluntarily from AT&T because I was not satisfied and the gods have punished me; but, I am thankful I do not live in Houston, and hopeful that Irma will find her way out into the ocean. And I’m practicing to live without TV.

It’s not so bad at all. I am not stressed. Ten, nine, eight, seven ……..

Most people really don’t enjoy life; they endure it. Their lives are filled with anxiety, stress and pressure and there’s very little joy. The Christmas season is the most stressful time of the year. We worry about presents, finances, etc. I want us to look at a strategy for dealing with seasonal stress.

PHILIPPIANS 4:6

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  NLT

STEP ONE: WORRY ABOUT NOTHING

Worry is assuming responsibility that God never intended  you to have. Worry is worthless. It cannot change the past or control the future. It is an incredible waste of energy.  Some people are born worriers; they have the ability to find a problem in every solution. Worry is not natural, it is something you learn; you have to practice to get good at it. If it is learned, it can also be unlearned. In order to relieve stress, live one day at a time.

STEP TWO: PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING

Paul is saying, don’t panic – pray. If those people who say “I don’t have time to pray” would spend their time praying instead of worrying, they’d have a whole lot less to worry about. God is interested in everything in your life. Prayer is a tremendous release of pressure. A life insurance company did a study. They learned that people who attend church once a week live on average 5.7 years longer. Why? Perhaps, people who attend church every week are more likely to pray than to worry. There is no problem too big for God’s power or too small for God’s concern.

STEP THREE: THANK GOD FOR ALL THINGS

Ungrateful people also tend to be unhappy people. Nothing ever satisfies them, it’s never good enough. We have so much that we take for granted. Develop the attitude of gratitude and watch the stress level in your life go down. It gets your eyes off the problem and on the many things we have to be grateful for. There is always something to be grateful for.

PHILIPPIANS 4:8

8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.  NLT

STEP FOUR: THINK ABOUT THE RIGHT THINGS

To reduce stress in your life, you must change the way you think. You have been given by God the freedom to choose what you think about. Many people are allowing all kinds of garbage into their minds. What you think affects the way you feel; the way you feel affects the way you act. Guard your mind. Keep your mind on the right things. If the thought is not right, true, pure, lovely, etc., don’t allow it to get into your mind because it’s going to create stress. Whatever I think about, is what I am becoming.

People are looking everywhere for peace of mind. They try pills, fads, therapy, alcohol, stress reduction seminars and books – anything to give just a little peace of mind. God’s peace is a gift to you. It is a gift that cannot be explained, duplicated, fabricated or understood. God will guard your mind and heart when you have a relationship with Jesus Christ and trust Him. Instead of worrying about everything, you pray about everything. You thank God for all things and keep your mind on the right things.

Pastor Tony Guadagnino

Christian Love Fellowship Church